Apr 222009
Today is Earth Day, and for all of those who don’t know what that means. It’s the day for hippies and douche bags to go around and push their beliefs about global warming, recycling, water conservation, trash reduction, and the rest of the Earth Day bullshit that people prophigate.
Well I know there are other people like me out there who are sick and tired of all the “Going Green” talk. I am proposing a new day that will take place the day after Earth Day. It’s called “Black Day” and on this day we will do the exact opposite of what we do on Earth Day.
I am going to give some great examples of what we can do on Black Day and what we do is gonna be called “Going Black.” and trust me once you go you won’t be going back.
- Only Exhale for the entire day. Every time you breath you let out carbon dioxide, and we all know that will destroy the ozone.
- Only use Styrofoam plates. It’s a great way to say hey earth here is something that will last forever. Its the gift that keeps on giving.
- Open up all your windows and turn on the air conditioner. It’s a way to help keep mother earth cool.
- When you leave for the day to go work turn on all the lights.
- Throw away CFL bulbs. They are full of mercury and are great for landfills.
- Fill a 50 gallon drum full of gasoline and burn it.
- Fix your hair with an aerosol hair spray.
- Feed a cow grass. Their farts expel methane, and that right there is an ozone killer.
- Drive the long way to work. Cars are the #1 ozone killer.
- Fly to the arctic and intentionally melts away some of the polar ice caps.
- When you drink anything out of a plastic bottle make sure you put the top back on it. All that extra space we can take up in landfill is awesome!
Earlier today I was rattling off tons of things about going black, but now that I am on the spot I can’t think of anymore. So remember tomorrow do everything you can to say piss on you mother earth. I know when I get ready in the morning I am gonna leave the water running when I brush my teeth.
This makes me sad.